July 15, 2019

HELLO!!!!

It's been a hot minute since I've blogged and apparently when this one posted this past weekend my website had a glitch and the blog didn't come through! So here it is again! I hope it works this time.

I haven't blogged because I've been going through a lot of changes and I needed to get a grasp on them before I could share them. Also, when I'm going through a bit of a hard time I just don't have the energy to blog. I have the energy this week, so here it goes!

About four weeks ago I had a bit of what I would call a breakdown and a miraculous intervention.

Almost daily I was having anxiety and panic attacks about my weight and recovery. I found myself in a very very low place. There are many things that triggered it. Some I'll keep private, but others were typical. I have a lot of family coming in town to visit this summer. Now that I live near my parents its impossible to avoid seeing everyone. Most of these people haven't seen me since I entered treatment. The last time th...

June 8, 2019

Hi Everyone!! I hope you all had an amazing week, and if you didn't, let's make this weekend fabulous!

This blog I want to share two new resources that have been helping me get through the past couple of weeks. I've been struggling a LOT with panic and anxiety attacks, and thoughts of wanting to relapse or go on a diet. Recovery certainly isn't linear and I am far from perfect. I have good weeks and bad weeks. I have weeks where I accept my current recovering body and weeks where I just can't stand it anymore and all I want to do is restrict because I swear it will make me happier. (side-note - it never does....) SO, when I have these down days I really need support. The things that help me the most are people and resources that speak truth into my situation. They call out diets for what they are, they remind me of how my body works and what starvation did to it, they promote eating all foods and living in FREEDOM! These two new resources have done exactly that! 

Now, I just want to...

June 1, 2019

I think it was within the first or second week of treatment for my eating disorder that I was introduced to the idea of thinking errors. The first week I was pretty much arguing with my therapist that I really didn’t have a problem. I wasn’t that thin. I was actually in fact fat and could lose some weight, and if I start to eat more I will for sure become so obese and disgusting my life would be ruined. I will never forget how when she told me I was in fact too thin and what I was eating was indeed an anorexic intake, I stared at her like she was saying the grass was blue and the sky was green. 

I truly could not comprehend that what I was seeing and thinking was not truth, fact, real or right. I couldn’t! I would waste $250.00, 50 minute sessions in tears trying to convince her that I was eating enough and how eating more or eating bread was the worst thing for me. When I think back to that time three years ago I can’t believe I was in such a dire mental state. I had zer...

May 25, 2019

Hi everyone!!

I’ve been promising to blog about this topic for a while now and I’m finally doing it! I think I’ve pushed it off for many reasons. But mainly, I’m not a therapist, recovery specialist, dietician or a doctor, so I feel a little under-qualified to be discussing this topic. I AM however, a woman who was anorexic for seven years, excessively exercised and was one run away from death before I entered treatment three years ago. So while I am not a professional of any kind when it comes to eating disorders, I can give you my perspective on what you should do if someone you love is anorexic.

I won’t be discussing other eating disorders, as I don’t have any personal experience with them. However, there are so many similarities on a deeper level when it comes to different eating disorders that you can probably apply these ideas to those relationships as well :)

The first thing that I want to start off by saying is....anorexia is VERY dangerous. Eating disorders have the highest morta...

May 11, 2019

When you walk into a doctors office the last thing you want to feel is invalidated and dismissed. You want to be taken seriously, listened to, empathized with, treated with respect and given the high level of care you are paying for. Unfortunately this doesn’t always happen.

I personally have noticed that as my weight has increased, it is almost shocking how I have been treated when I see a new doctor. I’ve read about doctor bias when it comes to weight. I’ve heard the horror stories of people being misdiagnosed because a doctor can’t look past there BMI, but I never thought it would happen to me. I have a reason my weight is where it is at, all I need to do is explain my recovery, and they will understand and help me. Right?

Over a week ago I had an appointment at the Cleveland Clinic with one of the best endocrinologists they have. (I’m going to keep it cute and not share this doctors name…) I went to this doctor for all the reasons I’ve been blogging about over the past three years an...

April 6, 2019

Welp, I had a different blog in mind for this week, but I've had a lot happen, so I thought I would share about it. It's been a while since I wrote a blog about my actual recovery and how it's going, and well.....it's going. (blah). 

It's such a rollercoaster. About a month ago I received some lab results back and honestly, they were the best lab results I've had since I started treatment. (AMEN!) My malnutrition is on it's way out, my inflammation markers have gone way down (even though they are still pretty bad), my insulin levels are almost back to normal, my blood sugar is basically perfect and most of my other tests (I think there were like 40) are finally coming back a smidge away from where we want them to be! There are only a few that just can't seem to get it together. 

I was excited! It seemed like, at least on paper, my body is doing a lot better. I mean, for gosh sakes it's only taken three full years, thousands of pills (no exaggeration), tons of appointments, days of rest,...

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