- Sara Mann
I’m baaaaack!!!! Oh, and happy Saturday!
As you may have noticed, I haven't blogged in a hot minute. Almost eight months to be exact...YIKES! But I’m back, ready to share how my recovery has been going and how God has been working in me and through me during this time!
I’ve received a LOT of questions while I took this break! Like...
Have I relapsed?
How do I deal with anxiety?
Am I alive?!
Am I losing the overshoot weight?
Am I still having panic attacks on the regular?
How do I stick to a meal plan?
I promise, over the next few blogs I will answer all of these questions and more :)
So, WHY did I take a break from blogging?
Last September (2019) I was in a bad place. Almost like a passenger on an airplane, on the runway, about to take off for a super amazing vacay, but the plane wasn’t leaving the freaking ground. I felt stuck. My panic attacks were constant, my weight wouldn’t budge no matter what I did, my depression wasn’t getting worse, but it certainly wasn’t getting better. I was doing ALL the things, dietician, thought logs, coping skills, mindful movement, sticking to my meal plan, and nothing seemed to change. I just didn’t have anything more to talk about other then how hard recovery was and I got to the point where I felt like I was whining about it and didn’t have much to offer my readers. My hope had diminished, my joy was pretty much non-existent, my faith was wavering and I was questioning if recovery was even worth it. (sidenote - IT IS!) So I took a blog break to concentrate on myself, get back on track, get myself right with God, and figure out how to finish out this journey of recovering from anorexia that I started 5 years ago!
Let me tell you, these eight months did NOT disappoint. If you would have told me that I would be where I am today eight months ago, I would have laughed in your face. Ok, lets be real, I would have sat in my bed, blubbering hopelessly that nothing was EVER going to change. Well, it HAS. A LOT, and I can’t wait to tell you all about it!
I want to write individual blogs on the different things that have happened over the past eight months of my recovery. This way I can share more about them and you don’t feel like you are sitting down to a book and not a blog! BUT, to give a sneak peak, I will be blogging about medication, new doctors, losing ANOTHER dietician, exercise, weight, being a bridesmaid while recovering (that will be a fun one....), being triggered by hot weather, watching myself on TV (awful), finding my joy again, sharing my testimony, why I literally can’t stand the word “healthy” anymore, suicide, healing time/swelling and how I feel when people say, “OMG! You look so good!!!”
In the mean time, I’ll answer a few of the questions I’ve gotten the most over my time away from my blog!
Have I relapsed?
Drum roll pleeeease..... NO! I have NOT relapsed during the past 8 months. I am still going strong! God is good. A lot of times when people in recovery stop blogging or talking it means they have relapsed. I’m sorry if I worried anyone during this time! Have there been moments of struggle where I had to slow down and get back to the basics of recovery? 100% But have I relapsed? Nope!
Am I alive?!
YEP! Also, not to get all philosophical and mushy on you, but I feel more alive then ever. As I continue to recover I feel more and more like myself each day. I’m doing things I had stopped doing while anorexic. I have a lot of my self-esteem and confidence back. Again, God is SO good! In all seriousness though, I know that this was actually a very real and very sincere question. Anorexia has the highest mortality rate out of any mental health problem. At one point I was very near death, and it scared a lot of people, so when I or someone else in recovering goes AWOL for a while it’s not totally crazy to think they may have passed away. This has happened with many people I know. The good news is, I AM alive and I AM doing well!
How do I deal with Anxiety and Suicidal thoughts?
I know this is annoying, but I’m going to be writing a separate blog on this one. There are many things that go into dealing with anxiety and suicidal thoughts and it deserves more space then today’s blog can give. Shortest answer...Faith, Coping Skills, Medication, Therapy, Exposure, Serving, Boundaries, Relationship.
Am I losing/still losing the overshoot weight?
The answer is YES! Again, I’m going to write more on this and have a trigger warning on that blog for anyone that needs to protect themselves from weight/numbers talk. But to answer the question, yes, I am still slowly and consistently losing the overshoot weight and no I am not dieting or over exercising in any way to cause the weight loss. I believe in set point, I believe in health at every size and I believe the body is really amazing and if given time to heal from anorexia and fed intuitively and enough for a long enough time it will go back to normal! Mine is on it's way.
Am I still having Panic Attacks on the regular?
Short answer, NO! This has been one of the very big changes that has happened over the past eight months. Much like other answers I will be writing a blog on this one too. (Sorry! Take a sip every time I said that this blog!!!) There is a lot that has gone into it. Medication, boundaries, time, prayer, exposure etc. I promise I will give the details of all of it!
Ok! Since all I keep saying is...I will write a blog on this I promise...it is time to wrap this one up!
I just wanted to say I’m back, I’m healthy, I have not relapsed and I’m excited to share what I’ve learned and how recovery has gone the past eight months! Thank you for your comments, support, prayers, and encouragement! Talk to you soon!
- Sara - --