INWARDLY RENEWED

Happy Saturday everyone! We made it through another week!

I’ve decided for my first “real” blog back I’m going to take on a pretty controversial topic. MEDICATION!

Before I jump into my experience with meds, I want to say that this blog is in no way meant to convince you to take or not to take medication. I have absolutely no judgement towards anyone on this matter. I’m a big believer in the whole, “to each their own” when it comes to meds. I myself have been on both sides of the fence. If talking about meds triggers you, just pass on this blog today! There are MANY reasons to take or not to take medication and that is always for YOU to figure out for yourself. I’m simply going to share my journey with medication in the hopes that by sharing, someone may relate and feel less alone, or it may bring light to an otherwise hidden/secret part of recovery.

Here it goes!! Pray for me!!

When I first entered treatment I was dead set against taking meds. Now, just to clarify, by meds, I’m talking me...

I’m baaaaack!!!! Oh, and happy Saturday!

As you may have noticed, I haven't blogged in a hot minute. Almost eight months to be exact...YIKES! But I’m back, ready to share how my recovery has been going and how God has been working in me and through me during this time! 

I’ve received a LOT of questions while I took this break! Like...

Have I relapsed? 

How do I deal with anxiety? 

Am I alive?! 

Am I losing the overshoot weight? 

Am I still having panic attacks on the regular?

How do I stick to a meal plan?

I promise, over the next few blogs I will answer all of these questions and more :)

So, WHY did I take a break from blogging?

Last September (2019) I was in a bad place. Almost like a passenger on an airplane, on the runway, about to take off for a super amazing vacay, but the plane wasn’t leaving the freaking ground. I felt stuck. My panic attacks were constant, my weight wouldn’t budge no matter what I did, my depression wasn’t getting worse, but it certainly wasn’t getting better. I was doin...

Happy Saturday!!

As I’ve shared in recent blogs, the past year, and even the past few months have been especially challenging to say the least. Moving, renovating, my husband traveling most of the week, finding a new team, dealing with a healing body, feeling isolated in the burbs....you know!  It’s very very easy to get down in the dumps and feel hopeless when I have non-stop panic attacks, and I am still recovering. I never thought it would take this long (even though I was told it would), and I never thought my body would recover like this, (even though I was told it would), I never thought it would be this hard (even though I was told it was)!

I learned a long time ago that in order to stay on track, maintain hope and not relapse it is very important for me to acknowledge and celebrate the small wins/changes/met goals along the way. At times this can feel invalidating to the pain of recovering. Like I’m just trying to grasp at straws to find something  to make recovery...

Hi!

I think it is important to acknowledge the truth of recovery. My fear in writing this blog is that it might scare someone out of recovering. On the other hand, it might help someone feel less alone and relate to me about recovery. Either way, PLEASE, if you choose to read this blog, read it all the way to the end. The reasons why recovery is worth it FAR surpass the reasons why it is hard. Sometimes the hardest trials make us the strongest.

So....

To those who are struggling with an eating disorder...

To those who are deciding whether or not to recover...

To those who are recovering and want to quit...

Here are ten reasons why recovery is hard....and then TWENTY reasons why you should do it anyway!

Why it's hard...

10. Weight Gain. It's unavoidable. In anorexia recovery, we gain weight. Sometimes a lot of weight. Sometimes so much weight that we overshoot our normal weight until our body feels safe to go back.  The weight gain is hard. It's feel bad. It causes insecurity....

Heeeeelllo Everyone!

The other day I was scrolling through Instagram (always a dicey thing to do, but I had messages to check), and I stumbled upon a post that had a challenge on it that I’ve heard before but I needed reminding of. It went like this...

1. Think of someone you love.

2. Ask yourself “Does their weight have anything to do with WHY I love them?”

3. Apply this thought process towards yourself; your weight is NOT why people love you.

If you are a person that either right now, or in their past has allowed themselves to believe that the only reason people like you is because of your style, your weight, your shape or your looks, this is for you. I’m guilty of it too. 

After seeing this post it really stuck with me over the next few days. I started to think about all the people I love and what I love about them. When I think of what I love about my best friend it’s that she is empathetic, trustworthy, fun, loves a glass of wine, we can talk for hours, hike together and just depend on...

* A note before you read this blog. I actually wrote this blog months ago. I just couldn't bring myself to post it. I think there is a certain shame that comes along with sharing the hardest parts of my recovery process. I also have fear about what other people will think. I know that certain people read my blog and do I really want to share this stuff with them? BUT, every week I receive messages from random people around the world who relate to every word I say and they are relieved to find someone who feels the same....so I've decided to share this blog in the hopes to encourage someone else going through the same thing! The first part of this blog is what I wrote months ago, The second part was written today.*

There are moments during my recovery where my head starts to spin, I feel dizzy and out of sorts, my palms get sweaty and my hands start shaking, I can’t focus, my eyes tear up and I start hyperventilating so bad I can’t catch my breath. 

Panic attacks.

I hate them.

I’ve had...