INWARDLY RENEWED

Happy Saturday!!

As I’ve shared in recent blogs, the past year, and even the past few months have been especially challenging to say the least. Moving, renovating, my husband traveling most of the week, finding a new team, dealing with a healing body, feeling isolated in the burbs....you know!  It’s very very easy to get down in the dumps and feel hopeless when I have non-stop panic attacks, and I am still recovering. I never thought it would take this long (even though I was told it would), and I never thought my body would recover like this, (even though I was told it would), I never thought it would be this hard (even though I was told it was)!

I learned a long time ago that in order to stay on track, maintain hope and not relapse it is very important for me to acknowledge and celebrate the small wins/changes/met goals along the way. At times this can feel invalidating to the pain of recovering. Like I’m just trying to grasp at straws to find something  to make recovery...

Hi!

I think it is important to acknowledge the truth of recovery. My fear in writing this blog is that it might scare someone out of recovering. On the other hand, it might help someone feel less alone and relate to me about recovery. Either way, PLEASE, if you choose to read this blog, read it all the way to the end. The reasons why recovery is worth it FAR surpass the reasons why it is hard. Sometimes the hardest trials make us the strongest.

So....

To those who are struggling with an eating disorder...

To those who are deciding whether or not to recover...

To those who are recovering and want to quit...

Here are ten reasons why recovery is hard....and then TWENTY reasons why you should do it anyway!

Why it's hard...

10. Weight Gain. It's unavoidable. In anorexia recovery, we gain weight. Sometimes a lot of weight. Sometimes so much weight that we overshoot our normal weight until our body feels safe to go back.  The weight gain is hard. It's feel bad. It causes insecurity....

Heeeeelllo Everyone!

The other day I was scrolling through Instagram (always a dicey thing to do, but I had messages to check), and I stumbled upon a post that had a challenge on it that I’ve heard before but I needed reminding of. It went like this...

1. Think of someone you love.

2. Ask yourself “Does their weight have anything to do with WHY I love them?”

3. Apply this thought process towards yourself; your weight is NOT why people love you.

If you are a person that either right now, or in their past has allowed themselves to believe that the only reason people like you is because of your style, your weight, your shape or your looks, this is for you. I’m guilty of it too. 

After seeing this post it really stuck with me over the next few days. I started to think about all the people I love and what I love about them. When I think of what I love about my best friend it’s that she is empathetic, trustworthy, fun, loves a glass of wine, we can talk for hours, hike together and just depend on...

* A note before you read this blog. I actually wrote this blog months ago. I just couldn't bring myself to post it. I think there is a certain shame that comes along with sharing the hardest parts of my recovery process. I also have fear about what other people will think. I know that certain people read my blog and do I really want to share this stuff with them? BUT, every week I receive messages from random people around the world who relate to every word I say and they are relieved to find someone who feels the same....so I've decided to share this blog in the hopes to encourage someone else going through the same thing! The first part of this blog is what I wrote months ago, The second part was written today.*

There are moments during my recovery where my head starts to spin, I feel dizzy and out of sorts, my palms get sweaty and my hands start shaking, I can’t focus, my eyes tear up and I start hyperventilating so bad I can’t catch my breath. 

Panic attacks.

I hate them.

I’ve had...

HELLO!!!!

It's been a hot minute since I've blogged and apparently when this one posted this past weekend my website had a glitch and the blog didn't come through! So here it is again! I hope it works this time.

I haven't blogged because I've been going through a lot of changes and I needed to get a grasp on them before I could share them. Also, when I'm going through a bit of a hard time I just don't have the energy to blog. I have the energy this week, so here it goes!

About four weeks ago I had a bit of what I would call a breakdown and a miraculous intervention.

Almost daily I was having anxiety and panic attacks about my weight and recovery. I found myself in a very very low place. There are many things that triggered it. Some I'll keep private, but others were typical. I have a lot of family coming in town to visit this summer. Now that I live near my parents its impossible to avoid seeing everyone. Most of these people haven't seen me since I entered treatment. The last time th...

Hi Everyone!! I hope you all had an amazing week, and if you didn't, let's make this weekend fabulous!

This blog I want to share two new resources that have been helping me get through the past couple of weeks. I've been struggling a LOT with panic and anxiety attacks, and thoughts of wanting to relapse or go on a diet. Recovery certainly isn't linear and I am far from perfect. I have good weeks and bad weeks. I have weeks where I accept my current recovering body and weeks where I just can't stand it anymore and all I want to do is restrict because I swear it will make me happier. (side-note - it never does....) SO, when I have these down days I really need support. The things that help me the most are people and resources that speak truth into my situation. They call out diets for what they are, they remind me of how my body works and what starvation did to it, they promote eating all foods and living in FREEDOM! These two new resources have done exactly that! 

Now, I just want to...