INWARDLY RENEWED

Heeeeelllo Everyone!

The other day I was scrolling through Instagram (always a dicey thing to do, but I had messages to check), and I stumbled upon a post that had a challenge on it that I’ve heard before but I needed reminding of. It went like this...

1. Think of someone you love.

2. Ask yourself “Does their weight have anything to do with WHY I love them?”

3. Apply this thought process towards yourself; your weight is NOT why people love you.

If you are a person that either right now, or in their past has allowed themselves to believe that the only reason people like you is because of your style, your weight, your shape or your looks, this is for you. I’m guilty of it too. 

After seeing this post it really stuck with me over the next few days. I started to think about all the people I love and what I love about them. When I think of what I love about my best friend it’s that she is empathetic, trustworthy, fun, loves a glass of wine, we can talk for hours, hike together and just depend on...

* A note before you read this blog. I actually wrote this blog months ago. I just couldn't bring myself to post it. I think there is a certain shame that comes along with sharing the hardest parts of my recovery process. I also have fear about what other people will think. I know that certain people read my blog and do I really want to share this stuff with them? BUT, every week I receive messages from random people around the world who relate to every word I say and they are relieved to find someone who feels the same....so I've decided to share this blog in the hopes to encourage someone else going through the same thing! The first part of this blog is what I wrote months ago, The second part was written today.*

There are moments during my recovery where my head starts to spin, I feel dizzy and out of sorts, my palms get sweaty and my hands start shaking, I can’t focus, my eyes tear up and I start hyperventilating so bad I can’t catch my breath. 

Panic attacks.

I hate them.

I’ve had...

HELLO!!!!

It's been a hot minute since I've blogged and apparently when this one posted this past weekend my website had a glitch and the blog didn't come through! So here it is again! I hope it works this time.

I haven't blogged because I've been going through a lot of changes and I needed to get a grasp on them before I could share them. Also, when I'm going through a bit of a hard time I just don't have the energy to blog. I have the energy this week, so here it goes!

About four weeks ago I had a bit of what I would call a breakdown and a miraculous intervention.

Almost daily I was having anxiety and panic attacks about my weight and recovery. I found myself in a very very low place. There are many things that triggered it. Some I'll keep private, but others were typical. I have a lot of family coming in town to visit this summer. Now that I live near my parents its impossible to avoid seeing everyone. Most of these people haven't seen me since I entered treatment. The last time th...

Hi Everyone!! I hope you all had an amazing week, and if you didn't, let's make this weekend fabulous!

This blog I want to share two new resources that have been helping me get through the past couple of weeks. I've been struggling a LOT with panic and anxiety attacks, and thoughts of wanting to relapse or go on a diet. Recovery certainly isn't linear and I am far from perfect. I have good weeks and bad weeks. I have weeks where I accept my current recovering body and weeks where I just can't stand it anymore and all I want to do is restrict because I swear it will make me happier. (side-note - it never does....) SO, when I have these down days I really need support. The things that help me the most are people and resources that speak truth into my situation. They call out diets for what they are, they remind me of how my body works and what starvation did to it, they promote eating all foods and living in FREEDOM! These two new resources have done exactly that! 

Now, I just want to...

I think it was within the first or second week of treatment for my eating disorder that I was introduced to the idea of thinking errors. The first week I was pretty much arguing with my therapist that I really didn’t have a problem. I wasn’t that thin. I was actually in fact fat and could lose some weight, and if I start to eat more I will for sure become so obese and disgusting my life would be ruined. I will never forget how when she told me I was in fact too thin and what I was eating was indeed an anorexic intake, I stared at her like she was saying the grass was blue and the sky was green. 

I truly could not comprehend that what I was seeing and thinking was not truth, fact, real or right. I couldn’t! I would waste $250.00, 50 minute sessions in tears trying to convince her that I was eating enough and how eating more or eating bread was the worst thing for me. When I think back to that time three years ago I can’t believe I was in such a dire mental state. I had zer...

Hi everyone!!

I’ve been promising to blog about this topic for a while now and I’m finally doing it! I think I’ve pushed it off for many reasons. But mainly, I’m not a therapist, recovery specialist, dietician or a doctor, so I feel a little under-qualified to be discussing this topic. I AM however, a woman who was anorexic for seven years, excessively exercised and was one run away from death before I entered treatment three years ago. So while I am not a professional of any kind when it comes to eating disorders, I can give you my perspective on what you should do if someone you love is anorexic.

I won’t be discussing other eating disorders, as I don’t have any personal experience with them. However, there are so many similarities on a deeper level when it comes to different eating disorders that you can probably apply these ideas to those relationships as well :)

The first thing that I want to start off by saying is....anorexia is VERY dangerous. Eating disorders have the highest morta...